


McMeme is typeing

by proof_of_ownership



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Dark Past, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Hiding pain with humor, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Keith/Lance (Voltron), Texting, like really slow ass burn, super gay, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2019-08-21 03:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 15,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16568534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proof_of_ownership/pseuds/proof_of_ownership
Summary: Lance gets an angry text message from a stranger thinking he is someone else.Lance won't take the strangers crap and texts him back.Thus begins the unconventional friendshipBut what happens when it turns to something more?Keith and lance are in love over text, but in real life, they would rather wish eachother dead.





	1. It's time

McMeme: its time

Birdboi: its 3 in the goddamn morning lance

McMeme: its time you gremlin

McMeme: and since when do you sleep?

Birdboi: I don't

McMeme: then whats the issue?

Flyin’Hawaiian: guys unlike like you two...some people sleep

Birdboi: now look what you've done

Birdboi: you know how hunk gets when he doesn't get his beauty sleep

Birdboi: he's worse than you were in high school

McMeme: can it you little monster

McMeme: anyway

McMeme: back to what really matters

McMeme: it time

Birdboi: I'm gonna yeet you into the sun

McMeme: it time

Flyin'Hawaiian: your funeral bro

Birdboi: thats it imma kill him

McMeme: fite me

Birdboi: i can make it look like an accident

McMeme: you don't scare me

Birdboi: 8th grade band camp

McMeme: look at the time

McMeme: gotta blast

McMeme has left the chat

Birdboi: good riddance

Flyin'Hawaiian: can i go back to sleep now?

Birdboi: yes my child

Flyin'Hawaiian: why are you like this?

Birdboi: idk bro


	2. Wrong number bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I plan to try and publish a new chapter every Friday

“What's up with you?” lance asked as he sat down at the table with his food. “She hasn't slept in like 3 days.” Hunk said.

“That's what you get for bothering me at three in the morning.” Lance said and took a bite from his apple.

She glared daggers at him. “I will hurt you.” He rolled his eyes. “Yeah...can you reach?” Lance jabbed. Pidge rolls her eyes. “Why were you up so late anyway?” Hunk asked drinking his red bull. “I was finishing the paper for my statistics class. I thought about going the Timotheé Chalamet route but I'm not worthy.” Lance said. “God i love that man.” Pidge said. “Amen sister.” Hunk agreed.

“So why text and annoy us?” Pidge asks. Lance shrugged. “Y'all know I only got two friends. And I figured you would be up at that hour like always, thirsting over the goblin king like the gremlin you are.” lance said.

“David Bowie is a god among men and you know it.” Pidge said defending herself. “You didn't say no.” Lance teased. “Oh shut up.” They all laughed.

“Anyway. Who is your statistics teacher?”

“Mr. Brown.”

“Oh I know him. He kicked out that biker kid the other day right?” Hunk asked.

“Yeah it was hilarious. That dude was on Browns ass. It was kind of awesome.”

Lance groaned and his phone buzzed.

KohnnyKash: yo axca where the hell are you?

Lance furrowed his brows.

“Is something wrong?” Pidge asked. He shook his head. “Wrong number.” His phone buzzed again.

KohnnyKash: answer me damnit!

McMeme: I think you got the wrong number bro

KohnnyKash: The hell you mean?

KohnnyKash: this isn't funny axca

McMeme: man you should have more faith in ur gf

KohnnyKash: what?

McMeme: you heard me

McMeme: you seem like a dick

KohnnyKash: alright listen here asshat I don't know who you are but mind your own damn business

McMeme: you texted me first you idiot

KohnnyKash: I will stab you

McMeme: you don't scare me

KohnnyKash: whatever

KohnnyKash: just stop texting me

“This dude texted me thinking I was his girlfriend or something and was a complete dick.” lance said showing his friends his messages. “Well damn okay.” pidge said and handed it back.


	3. Leave me alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance bugs the unknown texter

McMeme: you learned to stop being a dick yet?

KohnnyKash: why the hell are you texting me?

McMeme: cuz I'm in statistics class and bored

KohnnyKash: go bug someone else

McMeme: why? You seem so easy to piss off

KohnnyKash: leave me alone

McMeme: lol nope

KohnnyKash: I will fight you

McMeme: can't fight me if you can't find me

KohnnyKash: whatever this is stupid I have shit to do

McMeme: what?

McMeme: like being a dick to your girlfriend?

KohnnyKash: fuck off

McMeme: that wasn't a no

KohnnyKash: I'm not a dick

McMeme: yeah you are

KohnnyKash: I am not

McMeme: you are being a dick right now

KohnnyKash: can you just leave me the hell alone?

McMeme: what's the fun in that?

KohnnyKash: I won't kill you

McMeme: *sent a photo*

KohnnyKash: what the hell?

KohnnyKash: it's just a black square

McMeme: exactly

McMeme: cuz you'll never find me

KohnnyKash: don't you have a class to pay attention too or smth?

McMeme: nah class ended early

KohnnyKash: good

KohnnyKash: now leave me alone

McMeme: nope

KohnnyKash: whatever you freak

McMeme: you can't handle the truth

McMeme: you just know I'm right


	4. Tomatoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A circle of concern and playful banter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this maybe the longest chapter yet and I'm kind of excited. I hope you all enjoy my mess!

SpaceAce: yo where were you today?

KohnnyKash: out with axca

SpaceAce: really dude?

SpaceAce: again?

KohnnyKash: what?

SpaceAce: you keep ditching class to hang out with her and her stupid biker friends

KohnnyKash: yeah so?

SpaceAce: so?

SpaceAce: what do you mean so?

SpaceAce: thats super irresponsible

KohnnyKash: what's it to you?

SpaceAce: what's with your attitude lately?

KohnnyKash: what attitude?

SpaceAce: you know exactly what

KohnnyKash: whatever

KohnnyKash: your not my dad you don't need to look out for me

SpaceAce: I'm just worried

KohnnyKash: well don't be

SpaceAce: Keith

KohnnyKash: I'm done with this conversation

~~~~~

SpaceAce: the hell did you do to Keith?

AxePack: what?

SpaceAce: don't what me

SpaceAce: I think you are a bad influence on him

AxePack: excuse me?

SpaceAce: you heard me

AxePack: Keith is a grown ass adult so stop acting like his damn mother

SpaceAce: stay away from him because you and your friends are toxic and he doesn't need that kind of thing

AxePack: you can't tell me what to do

~~~~~

AxePack: get Shirogane off my ass

Princess: what?

AxePack: hes being an ass and won't leave me alone

Princess: that sounds like a you problem

AxePack: Allura I swear to god

Princess: hes not my responsibility

Princess: you pissed him off so now you have to deal with the consequences

AxePack: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING

Princess: I still don't care

AxePack: I hate you

Princess: the feeling is mutual

~~~~

Princess: your boy is harassing people again

Birdboi: they probably deserve it

Princess: I mean

Princess: you right

Birdboi: aren't I always?

Princess: anyway

Princess: did you get the homework for English lit done?

Birdboi: yeah

Princess: can I copy it

Birdboi: no

Princess: :(

~~~~~

Birdboi: can I come over I want food?

Flyin'Hawaiian: I mean

Flyin'Hawaiian: I guess

Birdboi: yis

Birdboi: free food

Flyin'Hawaiian: unless I make you pay for it

Birdboi: you wouldn't take advantage of the poor would you?

Flyin'Hawaiian: fine

Flyin'Hawaiian: whatever

Flyin'Hawaiian: what do you want?

Birdboi: I luv u

~~~~~

Flyin'Hawaiian: pidge is coming over for dinner what do you want?

McMeme: that pasta bake thing you made last week was pretty Gucci

Flyin'Hawaiian: cool can you go to the store and pick up the groceries then

McMeme: sure

~~~~~

McMeme: red sauce or white sauce?

KohnnyKash: what?

McMeme: *sent a picture*

KohnnyKash: what?

McMeme: pick one

KohnnyKash: why?

McMeme: I'm picking up groceries for dinner tonight

KohnnyKash: and I care why?

McMeme: you don't

KohnnyKash: and you are asking me why?

McMeme: cuz my presences pisses you off

KohnnyKash: then why do you keep bothering me

McMeme: cuz I'm a lil shit

KohnnyKash: I can tell

KohnnyKash: white sauce

KohnnyKash: I hate tomatoes


	5. Te Amo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and keith learn more about one another while simultaneously bugging each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 8 of Voltron
> 
> The final season of Voltron
> 
> Is airing next week
> 
> I'm scared
> 
> How do you feel about it?

“Yo McClain pick up the pace!” lance's boss called. The Cuban rolled his eyes. “Welcome to Starbucks what can I get you today?”

“Can i have a caramel macchiato?” The guy with the mullet asked.

“What size?”

“Venti?”

“Hot or iced?”

“Iced.”

“Name?”

“Keith.” Lance plugged the order. He finally looked up at the customer.

Lance looked him up and down.

“What are you staring at?” Keith asked coldly.

Lance glared at him. “I'll call you when your orders ready.”

They shared an icy stare before keith went and took a seat.

Lance started making up keith's drink. He glanced over at the boy again. He looked stupid. He had a mullet and a leather jacket and what looked like fingerless riding gloves. Lance scoffed. He thought keith looked stupid.

“Keith!” Lance called as he finished the drink. Keith came up and grabbed his drink and once again they glared at each other.

“You got a problem?” Keith asked. Lance scoffed. “What's your problem?”

“Lance!” the manager warned.

Lance backed off.

~~~~

McMeme: I'm bored

KohnnyKash: so?

KohnnyKash: that sounds like a you problem

McMeme: entertain me

KohnnyKash: I don't have time for this

McMeme: ugh

McMeme: uugghh

McMeme: Ugh

McMeme: uGh

McMeme: ugH

McMeme: UGH

McMeme: UUGGHH

McMeme: uGH

McMeme: UgH

McMeme: UGh

McMeme: UGHHHHHH

KohnnyKash: oh my god what do you what!?

McMeme: I'm bored

KohnnyKash: go harass one of your friends or something

McMeme: but bugging you is more fun

KohnnyKash: I'm busy

McMeme: with what?

KohnnyKash: stuff

McMeme: what kinda stuff

KohnnyKash: the none of yo business kinda stuff

McMeme: wow rude

KohnnyKash: leave me alone

McMeme: why should I?

KohnnyKash: cuz I hate you

McMeme: Te Amo

KohnnyKash: ???

McMeme: saranghae

KohnnyKash: do you speak Korean?

McMeme: no but I listen to K-pop

KohnnyKash: ugh gross

McMeme: *LE GASP*

McMeme: HOW DARE YOU

KohnnyKash: just cuz I'm Korean doesn't mean I have to like the music

McMeme: ur Korean?

McMeme: that's hot

KohnnyKash: whats wrong with you?

McMeme: idk

McMeme: I just like making you mad

KohnnyKash: well could you not?

KohnnyKash: I'm busy

McMeme: with what?

KohnnyKash: I already told you it's none of your business

McMeme: ugh your no fun

McMeme: Jung Hoseok would disapprove

KohnnyKash: I don't have time for this


	6. Ratatouille

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A misunderstood love affair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM DROWNING IN A SEA OF EMOTIONS!!!!
> 
> SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE BUT I NEEDED TO PROCESS EVERYTHING AFTER WATCHING THE LAST SEASON OF VOLTRON
> 
> THEY DID MY BABY BOY DIRTY AND I AM GOING TO DESTROY SOMETHING

Lance was looking down at his phone and texting Allura when he ran into someone. “Watch it!” They barked. Lance looked up to apologize but then saw it was that keith guy from the other day at work. “You watch it!” Lance said and started walking away. “Dick!” The guy called. Lance flipped him off as he walked off. 

“Yo lance.” His friends waved him over. “What took you so long?” Allura asked.

“Were you harassing that rando again?” Pidge asked. “You know it.”

“Who?” Allura asked “oh lance got a couple pissed off texts from the wrong number and now lance won't stop harassing the poor person.

“Dude says their Korean and hates K-pop. I have to.”

They all rolled their eyes. They all knew how intense he could get.

“Anyway. Last night episode. Discuss.” Allura said.

“I personally wished they would have gotten some new actors to play the young parents. Just saying.” Pidge started. “Cole sprouse will never be replaced.” Lance countered. Pidge rolled her eyes.

“That's just my opinion. I thought it was cheesy.” pidge said as she propped up her head on her hands. “Well you are entitled to your opinion. But your wrong.” Lance said.

“I didn't have a chance to watch it yet.” Hunk wined. They all groaned. “Fine. Subject change.” Lance said. “Whos the asshat with the mullet?” He asked. Pidge looked behind her to see him smoking with some girl she had never seen before. “Keith Kogane. Total psycho. He's the guy who got thrown out of my statistics class.” Pidge said and turned back to lance. “Why?”

“He's been a huge dick to me and i don't know why.” Lance said. Allura shrugged. “Some people just are.”

~~~~~~

McMeme: Sí, sabes que ya llevo un rato mirándote

KohnnyKash: I already told you I don't speak Spanish

McMeme: god your no fun. Its just the Lyrics to Despacito, which you should know

KohnnyKash: I never liked that song

McMeme: you are so boring

KohnnyKash: that mean you gonna leave me alone?

McMeme: lol nope

McMeme: means everything bugs you

McMeme: and you already know I like pissing you off

KohnnyKash: but why tho?

McMeme: I got nothing better to do

KohnnyKash: ugh

McMeme: :)

KohnnyKash: I hate you

McMeme: :(

McMeme: why you gotta be so ruuuude?

McMeme: don't you know im human tooooo?

KohnnyKash: stop with the stupid singing over text message

McMeme: you cant make me

KohnnyKash: go away

McMeme: nope

McMeme: my mission in life to to make you stop being a dick

KohnnyKash: I'm not a dick!

McMeme: yeah

McMeme: you is

KohnnyKash: your a dick

McMeme: oh honey I know

KohnnyKash: then why you on my case!?

McMeme: because at least im self aware. You aint

KohnnyKash: why are you torturing me?

McMeme: cuz I can

KohnnyKash: fine

KohnnyKash: ill play along if it means you'll leave me alone

McMeme: welcome to anti-dickery 101

KohnnyKash: oh god

McMeme: rule number 1

McMeme: don't yell at people within the first few minutes of meeting them

KohnnyKash: ugh

McMeme: rule numero dos (or number two you gringo)

McMeme: be friendly

KohnnyKash: but I'm not friendly

McMeme: no shit Sherlock

KohnnyKash: then how do u expect me 2 b friendly?

McMeme: just don't be yourself and you might make friends

KohnnyKash: oh ha ha

McMeme: so you do have emotions

McMeme: that's a start

KohnnyKash: I have plenty of friends

McMeme: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

McMeme: good one

KohnnyKash: now your being a dick

McMeme: hush

McMeme: rule 3

McMeme: show interest (even if fake interest) in their hobbies and passions

KohnnyKash: ugh but that's so much work

McMeme: 4

McMeme: make PLEASANT conversation

McMeme: maybe talk about shared interests

McMeme: people will be more interested in what you have to say if they think you are interested in what they are saying

KohnnyKash: so you want me to lie to them?

McMeme: yup

KohnnyKash: isnt that counterproductive?

McMeme: details shmetails

KohnnyKash: whatever

KohnnyKash: I gotta go

McMeme: practice my teachings!

KohnnyKash: whatever

McMeme: later

KohnnyKash: later

~~~~~

To "What the Pineapple"

Birdboi: I'm gonna shove this report up Mrs. Montgomery's ass

McMeme: someone's in a bad mood

Ratt: don't ask

McMeme: MATTY!!!!

Ratt: LANCY PANCY

McMeme: im so happy to see you!!!!

McMeme: (well text you but you know what i mean)

Ratt: I miss you my love <3

McMeme: <3

Birdboi: why are you two like this?

McMeme: ignore her baby

Ratt: she doesn't understand our love

McMeme: <3

Ratt: <3

SpaceAce: anyway…..

Princess: what's wrong pidge?

Flyin'Hawaiian: I wouldn't ask

Flyin'Hawaiian: you might be biting off more than you can chew

Birdboi: Mrs. Montgomery had me write a paper on the theory of absolute zero and so i do

Birdboi: but then when i turn it in she gives me an F and said that i must have plagiarized and started screaming her head off

Birdboi: so obviously I am a little pissed

Birdboi: so im going to report her cuz i cant with her bullshit

SpaceAce: damn

Princess: I'm sorry

McMeme changed the chat to SavePidgion2k18

Flyin'Hawaiian: ur not funny lance

McMeme: I'm hilarious

McMeme: fite me

Ratt: i got your back babe

McMeme: <3

Ratt: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SPOILER FOR VOLTRON SEASON 8 YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*
> 
> A FARMER!!??
> 
> A GODDAMN FARMER!?!?!
> 
> ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!
> 
> HE SPENDS THE REST OF HIS LIFE MOURNING ALLURA AND BEING A FARMER!?!?
> 
> LANCE DESERVED BETTER AND I WANT TO RIOT!!!!


	7. Kiki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith gets a nickname

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please understand my spanish is totally trash and im so sorry. I only speak a little Spanish that i learned in school.
> 
> Here is the closest i could get to what i wanted to say:
> 
> Estante de libros: bookshelf
> 
> Tengo un lagarto en mi culo: i have a lizard in my ass
> 
> Coreano estúpido: stupid korean

McMeme: Kk I'm bored!!!!!!

KohnnyKash: ITS 1 IN THE MORNING WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

McMeme: Kiki do you love me?

McMeme: are you riding?

KohnnyKash: GO

KohnnyKash: THE FUCK

KohnnyKash: TO SLEEP

McMeme: why tho?

KohnnyKash: BECAUSE IT'S ONE IN THE GODDAMN MORNING YOU STUPID FUCK

McMeme: but

McMeme: I'm

McMeme: BORED

KohnnyKash: I dont care

KohnnyKash: let me sleep

McMeme: Kiki let me love you

KohnnyKash: dont call me that

McMeme: Kiki

KohnnyKash: stop

McMeme: come on girl

McMeme: live a little

KohnnyKash: im a guy

McMeme: well shit

McMeme: me too

McMeme: well this is awkward

KohnnyKash: …..

McMeme: ……..

KohnnyKash: …….

McMeme: ……

McMeme: night

KohnnyKash: night

~~~

To "What the Pineapple"

McMeme: LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

McMeme: TO DEFEAT

McMeme: THE HUNS

McMeme: DID THEY SEND ME DAUGHTERS

McMeme: WHEN I ASKED

McMeme: FOR SONS

Birdboi: I can still kick your ass you intolerant little Neanderthal

McMeme: someone's salty

Bridboi: because I hate you

McMeme: only Kiki can say that

SpaceAce: who?

McMeme: you remember that wrong number dick

Flyin'Hawaiian: are you still texting her?

McMeme: him

McMeme: but yes

Princess: his name is Kiki?

McMeme: no but thats what i call him

Ratt: what is his name?

McMeme: idk….

Birdboi: well that sounds promising

McMeme: i think he is starting to become my friend

Birdboi: just be careful okay?

McMeme: okay

Ratt: is he cute?

McMeme: what?

Ratt: do he got the booty?

Ratt changed the chat name to Kiki's booty

McMeme: oh my god

SpaceAce: Matt

SpaceAce: buddy

SpaceAce: pal

SpaceAce: the yee to my haw

SpaceAce: what the fuck?

SpaceAce: you got issues

Ratt: says the guy who feeds our 7 foot tall house plant redbull

SpaceAce: touchy

SpaceAce: frank likes redbull and you know it

Birdboi: you named that monster of a houseplant frank?

SpaceAce: don't judge me

Birdboi: whats wrong with you two?

Princess: what isn't wrong with them?

Birdboi: you right

Birdboi: but still tho

Birdboi: frank?

Birdboi: firstly

Birdboi: who the fuck names a house plant?

Birdboi: and second

Birdboi: fucking frank?

Birdboi: really?

Ratt: shiro got shitfaced and called it frank and then started screaming at it in japanese

McMeme: with the amount he drinks just to be able to put up with us im surprised he can still get drunk

Ratt: it was a Lotor party

McMeme: oh that makes sense

Flyin'Hawaiian: the heck were you doing at a Lotor Diabazaal party?

Ratt: remember how shiro likes to show up places like that to intimidate the girls ex's?

McMeme: that also makes sense

McMeme: whats he like when hes drunk?

Ratt: he kinda just wants to fight everything. And then feels bad and cries into a tub of ice cream

Birdboi: Noice

SpaceAce: that is not true!

Ratt: its true and you know it!

SpaceAce: fine

SpaceAce: when Matt gets drunk he turns into his mom

Birdboi: wait wtf how?

SpaceAce: he screams at people in French instead of Italian and then tries to make food and gets frustrated when people aren't being responsible

Birdboi: damn

Birdboi: that is my mom

Ratt: I TRUSTED YOU

Flyin'Hawaiian: dude you turn into Collene? Thats actually great

McMeme: hunk doesn't get drunk :(

Flyin'Hawaiian: but you do and you get less then family friendly when you do. You become a stipper for a subway footlong

McMeme: 5 dollar footlongs be poppin tho

Birdboi: none of you know what I'm like when I'm drunk. I win

Princess: you black out drunk and pass out with a bottle of spray cheese and a half eaten jar of nutella

Ratt: I thought you hated nutella

Birdboi: I do…..

Birdboi: Allura doesn't drink either :(

 

~~~~~~

 

McMeme: Kiki

McMeme: Kiki

McMeme: KIKI

KohnnyKash: what?

KohnnyKash: I was busy

McMeme: with what?

KohnnyKash: responsible people like myself have these magical things called jobs

McMeme: i have a job

McMeme: i work at a coffee shop

KohnnyKash: why does that not surprise me?

KohnnyKash: I work at my mom and step-dads gym

McMeme: Noice

KohnnyKash: ?

McMeme: what?

KohnnyKash: Noice?

McMeme: its just a weird way of saying nice…

KohnnyKash: oh….

McMeme: do you like live under a rock or something?

KohnnyKash: something like that

McMeme: my new life mission is to teach you the way of the internet

KohnnyKash: I thought your life mission was to teach me to stop being a dick

McMeme: I haven't received many angry messages since then so i say its working

McMeme: so as i was saying

McMeme: welcome to internet slang 101

KohnnyKash: oh god not this again

KohnnyKash: I don't have tine for this i have work to do

McMeme: who said we had to do this all in one sitting?

KohnnyKash: god you are insatiable

McMeme: lol i know

McMeme: annyeonghaseyo jeoneun bangtan sonyeondan hwanggeum maknae jeon jungkook imnida

KohnnyKash: ???

KohnnyKash: what does that have to do with anything?

McMeme: its a meme. Like myself

KohnnyKash: how?

McMeme: ….Kim Namjoon

McMeme: Kim SeokjIN

McMeme: Min YooNGI

McMeme: Jung HOSEOK

McMeme: PARK JIMIN

McMeme: KIM TAEHYUNG

McMeme: JEON JUNGKOOK

McMeme: BTS

KohnnyKash: ?????????

McMeme: listen man

McMeme: if you wanna survive on the internet you gotta know who BTS is

McMeme: it would help if you knew BlackPink, Monsta X, NCT, Got7, or legit like any other group as well oh and the whole HyunA and E'Dawn thing

KohnnyKash: I have work dude

McMeme: this is important

KohnnyKash: some stupid K-pop bands are not important

McMeme: *LE GASP* TAKE THAT BACK

KohnnyKash: I don't have time for this

McMeme KIKI I SWEAR TO GOD

McMeme: ESTANTE DE LIBROS

KohnnyKash: Idk what you just called me but take it back!

McMeme: tengo un lagarto en mi culo

KohnnyKash: you can't curse me out in Spanish that's not fair

McMeme: coreano estúpido

KohnnyKash: that's it im Google translating it

McMeme: lol good luck

KohnnyKash: what the fuck dude?

KohnnyKash: why a lizard

McMeme: idk

McMeme: I'm home visiting my family and I'm in my old room staring at my old pet lizard malec

KohnnyKash: that's a weird name

McMeme: its a ship name

KohnnyKash: ?

McMeme: Nvm


	8. Yeeticus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance gets lectured and keith is gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and hope you have a happy new year

Lance groaned and rolled over and was a bit wigged out by feeling a body next to him. He opened his eyes slightly to let them adjust to the light seeping in through the window. He assessed the situation. He remember going to a party at Lotors house last night and seeing as how he was wasted he probably ended up taking someone home. Which would explain the person next to him. Now to evaluate who it is.

Lance peaked over his shoulder and who does he see but nyma. Lance shivered in disgust at the sight of his ex girlfriend.

His phone buzzed next to him. He picked it up and saw a bunch of missed calls and texts

Birdboi: Dude I think we are ready to leave we got exams tomorrow and Hunk looks like he's about to pass out i've tried calling you but you won't answer

Birdboi: where the hell are you?

Birdboi: seriously lance lets go

Birdboi: shit I just saw nyma

Birdboi: let's get the hell out of here

Birdboi: Lance Charles McClain I swear to God

Birdboi: pick up your fucking phone

Birdboi: GODDAMNIT LANCE

Birdboi: fine

Birdboi: whatever

Birdboi: hunk just puked i am taking him home

Birdboi: find your own damn way home

Lance groaned. He had unintentionally pissed off pidge. And that is never a good position to be in. He rubbed his temples before checking the next message string

Flyin'Hawaiian: look dude idk where you wondered off too but pidge is pissed

“Fuck.” lance groaned before climbing out of bed. “Where are you heading off to?” A sleepy voice asked from the bed.

Nyma sat up in bed, not even bothering trying to cover her naked body as she stretched and yawned.

“I'm getting the hell away from you, you psycho bitch.” Lance said.

“Now is that anyway to treat a lady?”

“Piss off Nyma.” Lance scoffed.

“What the fuck is your problem McClain?” she asked angrily. “Well for starters you cheated on me with rolo and now your cheating on rolo with me. You see the issue here?”

“But I missed you.”

“Oh Bullshit!”

“Why are you cursing at me!?”

“Because have you met yourself!? You deserve it!”

“Get the hell out.”

“Gladly.”

He finished changing and stormed out of the dorm room. He trudged around in anger until he came across the library. Pidge was bound to be in there, hopefully he could apologize. But he had no such luck in finding his small green friend. He slumped in a chair he found tucked away in a corner. Away from the rest of the world.

The incessant buzzing of his phone was driving him crazy. So finally he took it out to look at it.

To Kiki's Booty

Ratt: I shoved a whole bag of jelly beans up my ass

Birdboi: WTF

Princess: MATTHEW HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

Princess: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?!

Flyin'Hawaiian: welp

Flyin'Hawaiian: here we go again

Princess: THIS IS NOT A JOKE HUNK

Princess: MY IDIOT BOYFRIEND JUST SHOVED CANDY IN A PLACE WHERE CANDY DOES NOT GO

Princess: BABY ARE YOU OKAY!?!?!

Princess: IM COMING

Ratt: God I love you

McMeme: I thought you loved me 

Ratt: LANCY PANCY I DIDN'T MEAN IT BABY

Birdboi: AND WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?!!?

McMeme: Nyma….

Ratt: what the hell you doing with Nyma!?

McMeme: I don't wanna talk about it

Princess: WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THEN LANCE SCREWING HIS CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND

Princess: WE HAVE ACTUAL ISSUES

SpaceAce: oh god not this again

SpaceAce: Allura, remember how I told you about vine?

SpaceAce: well thats what Matt was quoting

SpaceAce: he did not actually shove a whole bag of jelly beans up his ass

Princess: oh…..

Ratt changed the chat name to ‘universes only hope’

Birdboi: well thats a little extreme

Ratt: hush now my sweet child

Princess: well now I just feel stupid….

Flyin'Hawaiian: your not stupid

Princess:.....

McMeme: how bout we just teach some good old classic vines so you know when we are quoteing them?

Princess: ……..okay

Ratt: where is the fun in that?

Princess: :(

Ratt: <3

McMeme: <3

Ratt: <3 <3

McMeme: fuck you

Ratt: you would~

Birdboi: OH MY GOD WHY!?!?!

Princess: why are you like this?

McMeme: yeeticus

Birdboi: i hate everyone

Ratt: Yeeticus

Birdboi: stop

SpaceAce: Yeeticus

Birdboi: I TRUSTED YOU!!!

Flyin'Hawaiian: YEETICUS

Birdboi: FUCK YOU ALL

Princess: am i missing something?

Ratt: Pidge got fucked up and proceded to yell “Yeeticus” at the top of her lungs and tried to jump in the pool, missed, and puked all over Lotors girls

Birdboi: ….

Birdboi has left chat

McMeme has added Birdboi to chat

McMeme: no you dont

SpaceAce has changed chat name to “Yeeticus.”

Birdboi: thats it im breaking up with you

Birdboi has left chat

SpaceAce: Baby no!

SpaceAce has left chat

McMeme: …….

Flyin'Hawaiian: …….

Princess: …...okay

~~~~~

McMeme: yikes

KohnnyKash: what?

McMeme: i think i just caused my friends to break up

KohnnyKash: yikes

McMeme: it started out with them lecturing me for sleeping with my ex….and then….drama

KohnnyKash: yikes

McMeme: I swear that girl is who made me Bisexual

KohnnyKash: ur bi?

McMeme: ……….yeah…………

KohnnyKash: welcome to the queer club we all slightly gay here

KohnnyKash: except me

KohnnyKash: im super fucking gay

McMeme: finally

McMeme: something you are finally self aware of

KohnnyKash: fuck off man

KohnnyKash: we had a bonding moment right there and you ruined it

McMeme: nope

McMeme: don't remember

McMeme: didn't happen

KohnnyKash: go to hell

McMeme: make me you coward

KohnnyKash: Abra Cadabra you will now leave

McMeme: bitch please

McMeme: first

McMeme: its AVADA KEDAVRA

McMeme: and second

McMeme: not in your wildest dreams you fuck

KohnnyKash: God damn Slytherin

McMeme: Bitch ass Gryffindor


	9. Klance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klance gets a ship name and other life changes appear.
> 
>  
> 
> Holy shit this chapter was a bitch to copy and paste over from my word document.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have over a thousand reads on this story!
> 
> I feel so blessed!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your love and support of my trashy story!

To “Yeeticus”

Ratt: they good now

Ratt has added SpaceAce to chat

Ratt has added Birdboi to chat

McMeme: so what solved the problem this time?

SpaceAce: Remember Adam?

McMeme: damn

Birdboi: we good tho

Birdboi: I was just mad

SpaceAce: thank god

SpaceAce: cuz things got awkward

Flyin'Hawaiian: I……

Flyin'Hawaiian: I don't know how to respond to this…..

Princess: none of us do mate

McMeme: subject change?

Birdboi: please god yes

McMeme: Kiki told me hes gay

Ratt changed chat name to “Liki”

McMeme: OH MY GOD

Ratt: Hehehehehehehe

McMeme: MATTHEW PHILIP HOLT

Ratt: Lance Charles McClain!

McMeme changed the chat name to “Fuck Off Matt”

Ratt changed chat name to “Klance”

Flyin'Hawaiian: ooo I like that one

Birdboi: count me in on that Klance shit

McMeme: NO STOP

Ratt changed his name to Klancer

Klancer: suffer

McMeme has left chat

Klancer: <3

~~~~~~

McMeme: I hate my friends

KohnnyKash: why?

McMeme: long story

KohnnyKash: okay……

KohnnyKash: you want to um….

KohnnyKash: ….like…..

KohnnyKash: ….talk about it….

KohnnyKash: …..or something….?

McMeme: aww you do care

KohnnyKash: shut up

McMeme: *aggressive eyebrow wiggle*

KohnnyKash: why are you like this?

McMeme: I'm the youngest so i didn't get a lot of attention growing up

KohnnyKash: ……

McMeme: ……

KohnnyKash: ……

McMeme: I made things awkward again didn't I?

KohnnyKash: yup

~~~~~~

 

Lance's eyes bulged out of his head. “I….wow….I mean….i just…..wow….” He couldn't mutter up any actual words as he looked at the ring on his sisters finger. “I didn't even know Axca liked girls.” Veronica narrowed her eyes at her younger brother. “Can't you just say congratulations like everyone else? Like a normal human being?”

“I'm just….wow….I did not see that coming.” The girl rolled her eyes and retracted her hand from her brothers grasp. “I'm picture i beautiful ceremony. In May or early June, a picture perfect afternoon we share.”

“Don't Evan Hansen me right now Ron this is serious!”

“Relax Lance its fine.” 

Lance felt anxious unaware of how he could do that.

 

~~~~~~

 

“Oh Veronica is okay I guess.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean i'm cool with her or whatever.”

“Oh piss off!”

Keith rolled his eyes at her pseudo sisters anger.

“You want me to like congratulate you or something?”

“Yes you jackass!”

“Congrats i guess.”

She flipped him the bird

~~~~~~~~

 

To “Klance”

McMeme: Veronica is engaged

SpaceAce: Holy shit really?

Flyin'Hawaiian: damn son

Princess: who's the lucky boy?

McMeme: Axca

Princess: WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

Princess: UNACCEPTABLE!!!

Princess: Time to bring in reinforcements

Princess added “MrMustache” to the chat

Princess added “SpaceGays” to the chat

Princess: VERONICA MCCLAIN IS ENGAGED TO AXCA AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!!

MrMustache: who what now?

SpaceGays: BIIIITTTTTCH

Princess: EXACTLY

Klancer: can you maybe chill?

Princess: HOW ABOUT MAYBE YOU CHILL!?!?!

McMeme has removed “Princess” from chat

McMeme: anyway….

~~~~~~

 

McClean: I think that went well

AxePack: your brother take it better then mine?

McClean: I only told Lance but he seemed okay with it…..I think?

AxePack: well no matter what happens. Always remember that i love you

McClean: <3

AxePack: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 168 days


	10. Matthew Holt is a Disappointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A secret is revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the chapter is a little late. I think I just got too busy with finals to finish it until this morning

Birdboi: save me please!!!!

SpaceAce: ?

Birdboi: Allura, Matt, and lance are wasted as shit and wont let me go the fuck to sleep

SpaceAce: why?

Birdboi: Veraxca

SpaceAce: oh

Birdboi: exactly

Birdboi: I'm about to stab a bitch

Suddenly lances phone vibrated saying he had a notification. And seeing as how he was laying piss drunk on her floor laughing about soup names she took the liberty to check it

McMeme: Do you like piña coladas?

KohnnyKash: yeah why?

McMeme: getting caught in the rain?

KohnnyKash: what?

KohnnyKash: no

KohnnyKash: who does?

KohnnyKash oh wait

KohnnyKash: this is one of those stupid song things isn't it?

McMeme: maybe *eyebrow wiggle*

KohnnyKash: oh god

KohnnyKash: don't tell me your one of those people

McMeme: ?

KohnnyKash: those people that do the weird sexual role play shit over text messages

McMeme: *gets offended but tries to stay calm* what no

KohnnyKash: im fucking blocking you

McMeme: NO KIKI I LOVE YOU IM SORRY

KohnnyKash: don't joke like that you nasty bitch

McMeme: I am not a bitch

McMeme: I'm a fucking queen

McMeme: ya bitch

KohnnyKash: yeah you wish

McMeme: bow down fucker

KohnnyKash: make me

McMeme: I will beat you with my mamas slipper

McMeme: don't at me

KohnnyKash: you don't scare me

McMeme: motherfucker i will destroy you

KohnnyKash: you couldn't even if you wanted to

McMeme: is that a challenge!?

KohnnyKash: is mothman real!?

McMeme: no

KohnnyKash has blocked you

Pidge raised her eyebrow. Oh shit.

Should she do something? Say something?

She reread of lot of their text messages. Then suddenly she froze. KohnnyKash. She knew that name. But didn't know from where.

Birdboi: does KohnnyKash sound familiar to you?

She texted her boyfriend in hopes he could help her find the answer.

SpaceAce: yeah that's Keith why?

HOLY SHIT!

Lance had been texting Keith this whole time!

Birdboi: guess who lance has been texting

SpaceAce: holy shit

SpaceAce: should we like...do something?

Birdboi: I don't know….

Birdboi: I mean it isn't really our business but….idk

SpaceAce: just like….damn

Birdboi: he just blocked lance for saying mothman wasn't real

SpaceAce: what the fuck Keith?

Birdboi: can you come help me with the drunks now?

SpaceAce: grabbing my keys now

Birdboi: <3

SpaceAce: <3

~~~~

To “Klance”

McMeme: kiki blocked me :’(

Klancer: no my ship!!!

McMeme: I cry

McMeme: kiki oh Kiki where for art thou Kiki?

Klancer: its okay baby he don't deserve your love

Klancer: why does he think he has the right?

McMeme: i told him I dont think mothman is real

Klancer blocked McMeme

McMeme has been removed from chat

Birdboi: what the fuck Matt?

Klancer: he has betrayed me

Klancer has changed name to HelloDarkness

Birdboi: you are such a fucking drama queen

Birdboi: unblock him

HelloDarkness: no

Birdboi: Matt

HelloDarkness has changed chat name to “No”

Birdboi: Matthew

HelloDarkness: bitch

Birdboi: Matthew Philip Holt

HelloDarkness: you can't make me

Birdboi: you wanna bet?

Birdboi has added FlowerCrown to chat

FlowerCrown: what is this about?

SpaceAce: hi Collene

FlowerCrown: hello Takashi

HelloDarkness: PIDGE YOU ASS YOU CAN'T USE MOM AGAINST ME THAT ISNT FUCKING FAIR!

FlowerCrown: MATTHEW PHILIP HOLT THAT IS NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR SISTER YOUR GROUNDED!

HelloDarkness: mom im 24

FlowerCrown: I CAN STILL BEAT YO ASS!

Birdboi: holy shit

HelloDarkness: M-mom

Flyin'Hawaiian: I'd do what she says bro

HelloDarkness has changed name to Help

Help has unblocked McMeme

Help has added McMeme

Help: sorry lance

FlowerCrown: my work here is done

FlowerCrown has left chat

McMeme: what the fuck just happened?

~~~~

McClean has changed name to Buttercup

AxePack: why buttercup?

Buttercup: me and my sis just rewatched Princess bride

Buttercup: you are my Westly

Buttercup: <3

AxePack has changed name too Westly

Buttercup: thats fucking cringe and I love it so much

Westly: I love you

Buttercup: I love you too

Buttercup: so…..

Buttercup: we need to pick a date

Westly: how about June 21st?

Buttercup: why that day?

Westly: because that was the first day I met you 2 years ago

Buttercup: …..

Westly: do you not like it?

Westly: because we can pick a different date

Buttercup: I think that I might actually cry

Westly: oh baby <3

Buttercup: June 21st it is

~~~~

To "No"

Help: IM GOING TO RIP THAT LITTLE BITCH LIMB FROM LIMB!!!

Princess: Absolutely not!

MrMustache: what seems to be the matter?

Help: THAT PUNK ASS BITCH STOP SIGN WAS NO WHERE TO BE SEEN!!!

Birdboi: I'm sorry….what now?

Princess: Matt accidentally ran a stop sign and got a ticket

Birdboi has changed chat name to Matthew Holt is a disappointment

Help: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY!?!

Birdboi: a little

Help: THAT CRACKHEAD STOP SIGN WAS BENT SIDEWAYS AND HAD THE AUDACITY TO MAKE IT SO I COULDN'T SEE IT

Princess: is it too late to switch my settings to women?

SpaceGays: NO!

SpaceGays: I mean…..

SpaceGays: don't do that

SpaceAce: your chaotic gay ass needs to take a nap

McMeme: and y'all think I'm a crack head

Help: now is not the time lance

Birdboi: someone needs to knock some sense into you

McMeme: don't worry I got this

McMeme added RocksRock to chat

Flyin'Hawaiian: SHAY

RocksRock: hey baby

RocksRock: anyway, Matt?

Help: yeah?

RocksRock: *Inhailes* BOI

RocksRock: I WILL COME DOWN THERE AND WHOOP YO ASS SO HARD YOU GON BE SEEING STARS THEN IMMA SHOVE THAT STOP SIGN SO FAR UP YOUR URETHRA IT WILL RIP YOUR DICK IN HALF AND YOU WILL CHOKE ON IT! IS WE CLEAR!?!

Flyin'Hawaiian: OH MY GOD SHAY!?!?!

McMeme: HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD

McMeme: I TOLD YOU TO SCARE HIM NOT KILL HIM

SpaceGays: Your girlfriend is scary

Birdboi: I CAN'T BREATHE OH MY GOD

Help: Help me somebody

RocksRock: IS WE CLEAR!?!

Help: yes ma'am!

RocksRock: damn right

RocksRock has left chat

Help: im scared

~~~~

Kween: you can't be serious

Westly: what?

Kween: engaged to Veronica McClain?

Kween: have you no shame?

Westly: excuse me?

Kween: you can't seriously be thinking about marrying her

Kween: that whole family is filthy

Westly: how dare you!

Westly: she is the love of my life!

Kween: pathetic

Westly: fuck you

Westly has blocked Kween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 160 days


	11. Vine 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith gives in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man i don't know why this chapter is a whole week late. I think I really just had wrighter block and disnt know how to wright this chapter and I am so sorry. Plis i think i am going to move my update day to Saturday just to make my life easier. Sorry again.

SpaceAce: so why did you block him again?

KohnnyKash: because he said mothman isn't real

SpaceAce: unbelievable

SpaceAce: friends do not block friends over petty reasoning

KohnnyKash: I never said he was my friend

SpaceAce: then what is he?

KohnnyKash: ….

SpaceAce: exactly

SpaceAce: not everyone has to believe in mothman

KohnnyKash: but he is real

KohnnyKash: I know he is

SpaceAce: you and pidge should become the next buzzfeed unsolved i swear to god

KohnnyKash: why would me and your girlfriend ever hang out?

SpaceAce: she believes in this kinda stuff too for some reason

KohnnyKash: you two need to get married right now!

SpaceAce: Keith

SpaceAce: Keith no

SpaceAce: I will get married when you get a boyfriend

KohnnyKash: THATS NOT FAIR

SpaceAce: i will drive to Vegas as soon as I hear the news

KohnnyKash: i hate you

SpaceAce: me and pidge aren't ready to get married yet and you don't get to tell me its time to get married until you get laid okay

KohnnyKash: SHIRO

KohnnyKash: DON'T SAY THAT JESUS CHRIST

SpaceAce: Lol

KohnnyKash: fuck off you gross old man

SpaceAce: Keith

SpaceAce: we're the same age

KohnnyKash: oh shit you right

SpaceAce: exactly

SpaceAce: so get your act together

KohnnyKash: but that's so much work

SpaceAce: stop whining

KohnnyKash: jerk

SpaceAce: bitch

~~~~

To “Matthew Holt is a Disappointment”

Help: Happy Crimus

Birdboi: its chrismun

McMeme: merry crisis

Help: merry Chrysler

Princess: I'm confused

SpaceGay: what is happening

Flyin'Hawaiian: vine

Princess: oh

SpaceGay: ?

Birdboi: nvm

SpaceGay: ?

Princess: just ignore them

SpaceGay: okay

SpaceGay: I have so many questions and not enough answers

Birdboi: hush now

 

~~~~

Birdboi: like dont get me wrong

Birdboi: I love me some Mothman

Birdboi: but that's just petty

SpaceAce: exactly

Birdboi: so what are you gonna do?

SpaceAce: i thought you said it wasn't our business

Birdboi: its not

Birdboi: but I've got money on the line

SpaceAce: what?

Birdboi: me and Matt got a bet going

SpaceAce: Jesus Christ Pidge

Birdboi: don't judge me

SpaceAce: why are you the way that you are?

Birdboi: love you too you big boob

SpaceAce: anyway

SpaceAce: lance is like keiths only friend

SpaceAce: so we gotta fix this

Birdboi: he is basically your brother how do you propose we should do this?

SpaceAce: im not sure

Birdboi: well thats just great

~~~~~

“Keith it's been what two weeks? Just unblock him already.” Shiro said as they selected their next map in Mario kart. “Why should I?” Keith huffed. “You need more than just me and Axca as friends. Plus when Axca and Veronica are married she is going to have less time for you.” Shiro said trying to reason with the other asian man.

Keith just groaned and rolled his eyes. “But he disrespected me and my husband.”

“First off, you are not married to mothman, and secondly, he did not mean to disrespect you or whatever and you know that.” Shiro said as they finally selected rainbow road.

Keith just got more annoyed at the slightly older male as they started to race around the track. “I don't want to unblock him.” Keith practically whined. If he did that he would hope that shiro would stop trying to reason with him. He was wrong.

“Keith kogane stop being a whiny little bitch and unblock the boy.”

After the statement was followed by and angered yell as shiro drove off the map and failed. “You can't make me.” Said keith as he crossed the finish line and won. Now both men were on edge and annoyed.

“Dude I'm serious you need friends.” Shiro said practically glaring down at Keith.

Keith huffed but with a few taps to his phone unblocked Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 145 days


	12. Lance gets Laid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prepare to fight

KohnnyKash: im still mad at you

McMeme: KIKI OH THANK GOD I MISSED YOU

KohnnyKash: I hate you

McMeme: ITS OKAY BABY IMMA LOVE YOU ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US!!!

KohnnyKash: no stop

McMeme: I love you more then Magnus Bane

KohnnyKash: ?

McMeme: ya know malec

KohnnyKash: your lizard?

McMeme: my lizards namesake

KohnnyKash: im confused

McMeme: you my piggy-rabbit

KohnnyKash: the fuck?

McMeme: your shitting me

McMeme: Piggy Rabbit from You're Beautiful

KohnnyKash: ?

McMeme: ITS A GODDAMN KOREAN DRAMA

KohnnyKash: once again, just cuz I'm half Korean does not mean I like that kind of stuff

McMeme: remind me why we are friends

KohnnyKash: I actually have no idea

McMeme: HA!

KohnnyKash: ?

McMeme: SO YOU ADMIT THAT WE ARE FRIENDS!!!

KohnnyKash: no im emo we have no friends

McMeme: you are the Jack to my Sally and there aint nothin you can do about it

KohnnyKash: don't they like get together in the end tho?

McMeme: oh shit you right

McMeme: i guess there is something you can do about it

McMeme: besides

McMeme: im much more of a Regina George anyway

KohnnyKash: so a self absorbed mega hitch

McMeme: fuck you

KohnnyKash: your idea not mine

McMeme: fite me

KohnnyKash: i could break you in half over my knee

McMeme: square up bitch

KohnnyKash: ill do it don't test me

McMeme: I WILL DESTROY YOU

KohnnyKash: YOU DON'T HAVE THE POWER!!!

McMeme: TRY ME BITCH

KohnnyKash: oh hold up my hot pockets done

McMeme: ooooooo~

McMeme: I want one

KohnnyKash: no

McMeme: boo you whore

KohnnyKash: how am i a slut?

McMeme: Kiki no

KohnnyKash: you confuse me

McMeme: good

~~~

To “Matthew Holt is a Disappointment”

McMeme: KIKI UNBLOCKED ME

Help: WE BACK IN BUSINESS BABY

Help changed chat name to “Lance gets laid”

McMeme: MATT

Help changed name to “KLANCE”

KLANCE: GET SOME BABY BOY GET SOME OF THAT GOOD DICK

SpaceAce: MATTHEW WHAT THE FUCK

Flyin'Hawaiian: lance is bright red omg

SpaceGay changed name to “KICK”

KICK: Stands for Klance Is Canon King

McMeme: i hate you all

KLANCE: GET

KLANCE: THAT

KLANCE: DICK

Birdboi: 50 bucks says he will

Flyin'Hawaiian: you adding more money to the bet?

McMeme: WHAT BET!?!?!

Birdboi: oh yeah I forgot you didn't know

Flyin'Hawaiian: sorry lance….

McMeme: WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS!?!?!

KICK: We is living vicariously through you

Flyin'Hawaiian: omg lance is so embarrassed you guys he just went and hid in his room.

Birdboi: he's running away from his gay

McMeme: S T A P

Birdboi: make me

McMeme: ReyLo

Birdboi: EWW WTF McCLAIN!?!?!

SpaceAce: I got you babe

McMeme: the Percy Jackson movies

SpaceAce has left the chat

Flyin'Hawaiian: lance calm down

McMeme: Donald trump

Princess: WOAH WOAH WOAH!!!!!

McMeme: Lotor

KICK: Okay line crossed!!!!

KICK Has removed McMeme from chat

Birdboi has added SpaceAce to chat

KICK: okay Guyliner what the FUCK did you do to him?

SpaceAce: i did nothing!

SpaceAce: i am innocent!

SpaceAce: it was all Matt!

KLANCE: WHY ARE YOU THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS!?!

SpaceAce: I AM INNOCENT

KLANCE: SO AM I!!!

SpaceAce: BULLSHIT

KLANCE: I WILL FUCK YOU UP SHIROGANE!!!

SpaceAce: how about you unlock the door and say that to my face?

KLANCE: nah im good thanks

SpaceAce: thats what i thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 138 days away


	13. Twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An asshole comes to town

To “powerpuff girls”

Princess: I just learned matt can play guitar and it is the sexiest thing oh my god y'all could never

Birdboi: ew thats my brother al what the fuck?

Princess: but he's hot

Birdboi: stop

Princess: his hair makes me go nuts

Birdboi: Allura stop this please

KICK: Al why have you forsaken us?

Princess: cuz why not?

Birdboi: bitch

RocksRock: y'all guess who i just saw

RocksRock: James Griffin

Princess: I'm grabbin my car keys

Birdboi: WHERES THAT MOTHERFUCKER AT IMMA RUN HIS ASS OVER

KICK: who is this james dude and why do we hate him?

RocksRock: you know how Lance doesnt like to talk about what traumatized him during 8th grade band camp?

KICK: yeah….

Birdboi: james is the reason

KICK: Oh….should we like warn the guys?

Princess: just not Lance we don't want him to have an episode

Birdboi: alright lets split up and let the boys know

 

~~~~~

RocksRock: I just saw Griffin at Starbucks

Flyin'Hawaiian: wait what?

Flyin'Hawaiian: which one?

RocksRock: the one on 5th

Flyin'Hawaiian: WAS LANCE THERE!?!

RocksRock: no he came in right after james left though

Flyin'Hawaiian: what is Griffin doing here anyway?

Flyin'Hawaiian: do the others know?

RocksRock: the girls do they are telling the guys

Flyin'Hawaiian: poor lance what are we gonna do?

RocksRock: me and my brother will keep an eye out just try and keep him occupied and dont let him know

Flyin'Hawaiian: okay….

RocksRock: its gonna be okay babe I promise

Flyin'Hawaiian: I hope so

 

~~~~~~

Birdboi: bitch boy sighting at 2 o'clock

SpaceAce: ?

Birdboi: Shay saw James Griffin near campus

SpaceAce: fuck

Birdboi: exactly

SpaceAce: we will invite everyone over for a movie night and order takeout

Birdboi: good call

Birdboi: anything to keep him from finding out

SpaceAce: god i hope this works

 

~~~~~

Princess: Shay saw Griffin today

KLANCE: WHERE THAT MOTHERFUCKER AT!?!

Princess: god you are exactly like your sister

Princess: we can't let lance find out

KLANCE: Obviously

KLANCE: Ain't nobody gonna hurt my lance and get away with it

Princess: game plan

KLANCE: i just got back to my dorm and shiro says he is setting up for a movie night. You bring Twilight ill order Chinese we got this.

Princess: god i hope this works

~~~~~

SpaceAce: al is forcing us to watch twilight with her. Pidge is bringing Chinese. Wanna join?

McMeme: YES

SpaceAce: I'm gonna send Keith to come pick you and Hunk up then

McMeme: ugh why Keith?

SpaceAce: lance

McMeme: sorry

 

~~~~

SpaceAce: I need you to go pick up Lance and Hunk

KohnnyKash: we no they can drive themselves

SpaceAce: Keith I'm serious

KohnnyKash: well I won't

SpaceAce: Lance needs to be here

KohnnyKash: he can drive himself

SpaceAce: I'm sure he would appreciate it if you picked him up, trust me

KohnnyKash: no

SpaceAce: I'm trying to keep Lance safe

KohnnyKash: ?

SpaceAce: there us a bad person around where he lives who might be trying to hurt him again

SpaceAce: Keith please

KohnnyKash: ugh

KohnnyKash: what the address?

 

~~~~~

Lance wanted nothing more to to be anywhere else in the entire world during the 15 minute car ride to matt and shiro's apartment. He and Keith, from the little they had interacted, had a very distinct dislike for one another. Lance didn't think that either if them really knew why. Personality clash or something he guessed. Lance was thankful that his best friend was there though, even though they all sat in silence Hunk always managed to make horrid things more bearable. Maybe that's why he was drawn to Hunk.

Lance went through a lot of shit at a young age, and he was so blessed to have met Hunk and Pidge in the 10th grade (Pidge was in the 8th but that didn't really matter at the time) they helped him break out of his shell and helped him through the hardest parts of his life. They practically saved his life. So of course he felt he owed them it. They were his two best friends. Yes they all had a very close knit friend group that he was so very grateful for but those two would always be his best friends, they helped introduce him to the people he considered family.

He met Katie Veronica Holt, or Pidge as her family called her on September 1st, 2011. She was wearing this little pink and purple sundress and a cute little headband and looked cute and angelic, but then she opened her mouth and it actually scared Lance. She was smart, sassy, and in some ways, manipulative. She had told him his reasons for not having any friends was stupid, even though she herself had no friends. This little 13 year old girl made him view the world differently.

Lance Met Hunk Marian Garette October 10th, 2011. Lance had actually stood up for Hunk against a bully despite not knowing a damn thing about him, not even his name. Hunk cried and cried. He felt so grateful to Lance. He started clinging to Lance, which at first annoyed and bothered Lance, but when Hunk and his parents got into a really bad car accident and Hunk couldn't come to school for a few days, he started to worry, which made him realise how much he valued Hunks presence. They started hanging out all the time after that. And eventually Pidge wormed her way into their friendship, but no one complained.

He met Matthew Phillip Holt on March 17th, 2012. He may have been a year older then lance at 17 but the two clicked almost instantly. And when Lance came to think he might have liked boys (long before he even knew what the term Bisexual was and almost a decade before he would admit it) he went to Matt, who had a similar feeling, they thought it was towards each other, but that wasn't the case. But their friendship morphed into the strongest Bromance anyone of these four had ever seen. And they liked it that way.

He met Allura Altea on May 27th, 2013. Lance of course thought she was drop dead gorgeous, he fell for her almost instantly. She, did not feel the same for a few years, they dated for a couple months in highschool after a bad break up with her ex, but it ended rather abruptly, they stayed friends though. And he was extremely happy for her and Matt when they started dating freshman year of college. He is still happy for them. Besides she is more of a mom to Lance then anything.

He met Takashi Shirogane on February 29th, 2016. When he was still dating his ex Adam Smith. He was Matt's buddy from his economics class. And it would have stayed only that for a long time, except when Shiro and Adam broke up and then everyone thought Adam just walked off the face of the earth, and about 2 years later Shiro and Pidge started dating, which Matt hated. Lance developed a little crush on Shiro, but he was dating Nyma at the time. Although after the breakup and much consulting from Shiro, finally came out as Bi. So he guessed he had Shiro to thank for that.

But Keith Steve Gerard Kogane was a different story, he had met Keith on November 7th, 2018. And he was kind of a dick. Maybe it was because he was rude, maybe it was also partially because he didn't want to admit that he found Keith kinda hot, but they just did not get along. And with his luck, Keith just happened to be like a brother to Shiro. So that meant they had to spend time together.

Like right now.

Which sucked.

 

~~~~

“Thank god you all finally got here. Now we can eat.” Pidge said as she opened the apartment door.

Lance rolled his eyes but followed her into the living room. “We having a sleepover or something?” Keith asked with slight disgust as he looked around at everyone. “Yup.” Allura said popping the “p”.

“Why?”

“Cuz why not?” Lance responded popping down on the floor next to the coffee table to dig into the food.

“Do i have to stay?” Keith asked

“Obviously.” Matt said and waggled his eyebrows.

Keith groaned but sat down next to the Cuban and dug into the food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 130 days until


	14. Keith is kinda hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The friends spend some time together and Keith and Lance don't kill eachother

McMeme: chicken butt

KohnnyKash: what the fuck?

McMeme: hi

KohnnyKash: hi?

McMeme: I'm bored

KohnnyKash: I can tell

McMeme: entertain me

KohnnyKash: no

McMeme: pwease?

KohnnyKash: fuck off

McMeme: you is rude you know dat?

KohnnyKash: I'm bitter

McMeme: like there's a difference

KohnnyKash: there is

KohnnyKash: go bug some of your other friends I'm trying to play dead

McMeme: I can't right now

KohnnyKash: why not?

McMeme: ……

KohnnyKash: ?

McMeme: ………

KohnnyKash: why not?

McMeme: ……..

KohnnyKash: oh now you shut up?

McMeme: its just

McMeme: they are treating me like im about to shatter into a million pieces

KohnnyKash: why?

McMeme: because they think I am

KohnnyKash: …..why?

McMeme: Someone from my past is in town

KohnnyKash: …..Okay?

McMeme: they think i'm going to break down once I find out he's here. Although I'd say it's a little too late for that.

KohnnyKash: oh….I'm sorry

McMeme: its cool

KohnnyKash: what did he do if you don't mind me asking?

McMeme: made almost my entire family disown me

KohnnyKash: how?

McMeme: long story

KohnnyKash: ive got time

McMeme: I thought you were busy playing dead

KohnnyKash: oh yeah...I guess

“What do you want for breakfast?” Allura asked as she looked at Lance and Keith sitting on opposite ends of the couch.

“I'm good with whatever you want Al.” Lance said as he got up to make himself a cup of coffee.

“How about you Keith?” She asked turning her attention to the other boy. “Oh anything is fine.”

She rolled her eyes at the two of them. “Both so unhelpful.” She pulled her hair up in a messy bun before gathering up the ingredients for pancakes. Matt stumbled out of his bedroom in only his boxer his hair a mess.

Both Lance and Keith intook a sharp breath as they looked at him. The both locked eyes. Lance broke the eye contact refusing to let Keith know that for a split second he found Matt hot.

Matt stalked into the kitchen and put his arms around his girlfriend's waist from behind and nuzzled into her neck. She giggled.

With a huff Lance made his escape to the bathroom.

McMeme: I'll leave you to it then

Keith looked down at the message with a frown.

“I smell pancakes.” Pidge said with a yawn as, much like her brother, stumbled out of Shiro's bedroom with messy hair and was half asleep. She was wearing one of Shiro's shirts it was practically a dress on her. “Allura's making breakfast.” Keith said.

Lance re-emerged from the bathroom in clean clothes. “Alright loverboy sit on down and let me help Al make breakfast.” He shooed Matt out of the kitchen and pulled out a frying pan and some eggs. Matt plopped down on the couch with a groan.

Keith looked back to his phone.

KohnnyKash: I'm trying to be a decent person here and pretend I care about your feelings.

That was a lie.

Keith cared.

Keith cared a lot.

“So what did everyone do for Valentines day?” Allura asked.

“Hey I'm single and this question offends me.” Lance said with a huff. Allura only laughed. “Same as every year.” Pidge said and made herself some coffee.

Lances phone rang from the kitchen table. The Cuban took the eggs off the pan and picked up his phone before answering.

“¿Hola?”

Keith watched him mesmerized.

“No problema.”

“¿Con Abula?”

“¡Ay Mama!”

“Es importante por Veronica.”

“Axca es familia.”

Keith knit his eyebrows together. Did he just say Axca?

“Si.”

“Hasta luego.”

And then he hung up.

“Sorry about that.”

Keith snapped out of his daze. “Did you mention Axca?” He asked. Lance gave him a weird look. “Yeah why?” He seemed defensive. “I just thought i heard you say her name is all.” Lance narrowed his eyes but went back into the kitchen.

“Isn't it hot when he speaks spanish?” Matt asked Keith.

“MATT WHAT THE FUCK!?” Lance said. Keith eyes shot wide open. “I-uh.” Keith was speechless. “What i mean come on dude how does that not work on your boo?” Matt said. “Matthew shut up!” Allura said before giving him a scolding look. “Oh my bad.”

Keith had an exasperated look on his face as looked to everyone.

“Ignore him he probably has a hangover.” Pidge said as she re-adjusted her glasses. “What's all this yelling for?” Shiro asked as he stalked out of his bedroom. “Matt being an idiot.” Lance said.

“So nothing new.”

“Fuck off.” Matt huffed.

“Okay enough of that. Breakfast.” Allura called. Everyone served themselves up and sat around the coffee table to eat.

McMeme: well I appreciate it but I really don't want to talk about it.

Keith pulled his phone out while he finished eating.

KohnnyKash: well don't expect this kind of kindness again

McMeme: damn okay

McMeme: you a bad bitch we get it

Lance looked up from his phone to see keith pulling his hair back with a hair tie between his teeth and his shirt riding up slightly so his v line was visible.

Lance gulped.

~~~~~~~

 

Birdboi created chat named “Pidges Hoes”

Birdboi added KLANCE to chat

Birdboi added SpaceAce to chat

Birdboi: Matthew

KLANCE: Yes?

Birdboi: you cannot bring up the whole Lance Kiki thing irl

KLANCE: why?

SpaceAce: Katie what are you doing?

Birdboi: especially around Keith

KLANCE: …….why?

SpaceAce: Pidge what are you doing?

Birdboi: trying to save Lances love life

SpaceAce: Pidge no!

KLANCE: whats going on

Birdboi: Keith is Kiki

SpaceAce: KATIE!!!!

KLANCE: HOLY SHIT!!!!!

Birdboi: But Keith and Lance don't know that they are texting one another

KLANCE: HOLY SHIT!!!!

SpaceAce: damnit Pidge!

Birdboi: they hate each other so we don't want to ruin the surprise

KLANCE: this is like my dream come true

Birdboi: you can't tell the others unless they almost slip up

KLANCE: not even Lura?

Birdboi: nope

KLANCE: aye aye captain

KLANCE: wait how did ya'll find out?

SpaceAce: pidge found out on accident and told me.

KLANCE: and why not tell anyone else?

SpaceAce: we wanted to respect their privacy

KLANCE: this whole situation seems so weird to me

Birdboi: it does to everyone

~~~~~

PrinceCharming: what is this talk I hear about you marrying Veronica McClain?

Westly: ugh who told you?

PrinceCharming: Ezor after you blocked her

Westly: that bitch

PrinceCharming: like your so much better

Westly: piss off

~~~~~~~

 

To “The Golden Trio”

McMeme: Fuck

Birdboi: what?

McMeme: Keith is kinda hot

Flyin'Hawaiian: and so it begins

Birdboi: I am now suddenly very intrigued

McMeme: omg why

Birdboi: is that gay panic I smell?

McMeme: if you don't shut up

Birdboi: hit me i dare you

Flyin'Hawaiian: whoa whoa whoa easy now you two

McMeme: shes like two inches tall whats she gonna do?

Flyin'Hawaiian: you really want an angry French-Italian after you?

Birdboi: say goodbye to your kneecaps motherfucker

Flyin'Hawaiian: both of you just calm down

~~~~~

To “Pidges Hoes”

Birdboi: LANCE THINKS KEITH IS HOT

KLANCE: IF YOU'RE LYING TO ME ISTG

Birdboi: HE TOLD ME HIMSELF

KLANCE: YAS BITCH YAS

SpaceAce: hold up what's happening

KLANCE: LANCE THINKS KEITH'S HOT

KLANCE: ASDFGHJKL IMMA TWEET THIS BITCH

 

~~~~~~~~

Matthew Holt  
@Ratatouille

FUUUUUUUCK

10:27 PM - 16 February 2019  
Comments: 86 Retweets: 16 Likes: 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 125 days


	15. Blue Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team takes to twitter and find new information on the enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I firgot to specify ages oops
> 
> Shiro: 24  
> Keith: 24  
> Matt: 24  
> Allura: 23  
> Hunk: 23  
> Lance: 23  
> Pidge: 21

To “Lance gets Laid”

Birdboi: I love mom but if I have to put on another goddamn sundress I'm going to implode

SpaceAce: awe but you look cute in that dress you sent me a picture of

Birdboi: i don't want to look cute

Birdboi: i want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening

McMeme: mood

Princess: honestly same

Birdboi: I wanna go to the bookstore but mom has me in a vice grip :’(

SpaceAce: she just wants to spend time with you

Birdboi: i would have preferred gardening

 

~~~~~~

 

To “The Golden Trio”

McMeme: oh my god save me

Flyin'Hawaiian: ?

McMeme: im at the gym right

McMeme: but so is Keith

Birdboi: ooooooo~~~~~~

McMeme: Pidge oh my god stop!

Birdboi: gay panic~

McMeme: stop

Flyin'Hawaiian: ignore her

Flyin'Hawaiian: what's the issue?

McMeme: he's shirtless

Birdboi: oh my god my own personal soap opera

McMeme: i hate you

~~~

Katie Holt  
@Gremlin

I smell boys being gay

11:13 AM - 19 February 2019  
Comments: 4k Retweets: 11.8k Likes: 8.7k

~~~

Lance McClain  
@imnotmexican

I hate all of my friends

11:18 AM - 19 February 2019  
Comments: 2k Retweets: 987 Likes: 7k

~~~

Hunk Garette  
@GordanRamsHams

Its gonna be a long week

11:24 AM - 19 February 2019  
Comments: 3.8k Retweets: 19.6k Likes: 47.2k

~~~

Matthew Holt  
@Ratatouille

Ooo~ Spicy

6:08 AM - 20 February 2019  
Comments: 1k Retweets: 436 Likes: 1.7k

~~~

Romelle <3  
@GracefulGay

@imnotmexican you can run but you can't hide, the gay will always find you

Comments: 4k Retweets: 2k Likes: 6.3k

~~~

Allura Altea  
@whattheduck

We coming for you Lance. There is no escape.

Comments: 7k Retweets: 5.3k Likes: 13.8k

~~~

Takashi Shirogane  
@hahahaFUCK

@imnotmexican you're utterly fucked my dude

Comments: 1k Retweets: 410 Likes: 127

~~~

Lotor Diabazaal  
@Princey

My ex girlfriends blue friend is kinda hot but his small green girlfriend scares the shit outta me

Comments: 23k Retweets: 20.1k Likes: 37k

~~~

To “Lance gets Laid”

Birdboi: *send photo*

KLANCE: *chokes on spit*

Princess: EW OH MY GOD

McMeme: I think im gonna be sick

Princess: how dare he

Birdboi: i love you Lance but we would never work

McMeme: agreed

KICK: I feel violated

McMeme: YOU feel violated!?

 

~~~~~~

McMeme: I think im gonna vomit

KohnnyKash: ?

McMeme: sorry wrong chat

KohnnyKash: ?????

McMeme: my friends ex boyfriend just called me hot

KohnnyKash: sorry?

McMeme: he my be beautiful and British but he is evil

KohnnyKash: okay

McMeme: Lotor Diabazaal is disgusting

KohnnyKash: you know Lotor?

McMeme: you know Lotor?

KohnnyKash: damn small world

McMeme: shit we live near each other. Didn't mean to give that away sorry.

~~~

To “Lance gets Laid”

McMeme: fuck

McMeme: I did a bad

KLANCE: what?

McMeme: I accidentally revealed to Kiki where we live (sorta)

McMeme: and he accidentally revealed that he lives in the same area

KLANCE: YAAAAASSSSSSSSS

 

~~~~~~~

Birdboi: fuck

SpaceAce: fuck

Birdboi: shit

SpaceAce: motherfuck

Birdboi: they are idiots

SpaceAce: they are gonna get themselves killed istg

~~~~~

 

To “The Golden Trio”

Birdboi: Lances boy drama is my life blood

McMeme: this is bullying i will report you

Birdboi: do it i dare you

McMeme: I wOnT hEsItAtE BiTcH

Birdboi: i dare you

Flyin'Hawaiian: not again

~~~

Keith sat on the bench outside his family's gym with a groan. The chill air nipped at his face and he brought his coffee to his lips as be people watched.

There weren't a lot of people out and about so it was nice.

But then he saw Lotor come around the corner and head into the starbucks across the street from the gym. Keith scowled. How dare Lotor objectify his...McMeme(?) like that. He saw the way the poor barista scowled at Lotor. Lotor must be flirting with him.

How dare he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 118 days more


	16. Leo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk either honestly. I tried and gave up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the auper late update. I have been insanely sick. I wrote most of this while on extremely heavy medication. Im so sorry in advanced.

KohnnyKash: fuck

SpaceAce: ?

KohnnyKash: I think I care about him

SpaceAce: who?

KohnnyKash: that guy i've been texting

SpaceAce: oh

SpaceAce: you guys are friends right?

SpaceAce: your gonna start to care about him if you want to continue to be friends with him

KohnnyKash: that's not what i meant

SpaceAce: oh

SpaceAce: OH

SpaceAce: oh shit

KohnnyKash: yeah…

 

~~~

 

SpaceAce: *sent photo*

Birdboi: oh my god

SpaceAce: exactly

Birdboi: things are getting interesting

Birdboi: both our boys are gay panicking

SpaceAce: this is going to be interesting to say the least

Birdboi: oh you have no idea

SpaceAce: so weird question

Birdboi: ?

SpaceAce: what's your birthstone?

Birdboi: I was born in April. So idk diamond I think, why?

SpaceAce: my mom was asking

Birdboi: oh i love your mom!

SpaceAce: she loves you too

Birdboi: Aimi Shirogane must have been a saint to put with you and your chaotic Bi ass

SpaceAce: how dare

Birdboi: come at me bro

SpaceAce: you lucky you cute

Birdboi: I know right?

SpaceAce: why do I love you?

Birdboi: good question

SpaceAce: now

SpaceAce: back to the situation at hand

SpaceAce: what are we going to do about these boys?

Birdboi: honestly who knows at this point?

 

~~~~~

“Stop teasing the poor boy.” Krolia said to her husband as she saw the bright red face of her son. “Oh come on it's cute.” Kolivan teased.

“Shut up you asshole.” Keith grumbled at his step-father in annoyance. “Just like your father. Except not at all.” Krolia said with a grin as she pulled her hair back. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well you are a good looking man, much like your father was. One of the reasons that ex of yours James was all over you. But you are shit at flirting, like your step-father.” She smirked as both the boys make remarks of offense. She just laughed.

Krolia ruffled her sons hair. “I love you both. But you both are morons.” She said with a smile. Keith rolled his eyes but smiled too. “Now what's this boys name again?”

That's when Keith panicked. He didn't know. What should he tell his mom? That he was crushing on a stranger? No way in hell. He felt sickened to say this but keith realized he would have to give the boy a nickname, something believable that sounded like a real name. He panicked again “Leonardo.”

Fuck!

What the hell?!

He was slipping!

FUCK!

“Oh okay.” Kolivan said.

“he sounds interesting dear.” krolia said with a smile. But keith knew his mother well enough to spot the concern and suspicion behind her eyes.

~~~

To “The Golden Trio”

McMeme: why does keith have to be literally everywhere i go?

McMeme: looking like Joaquín DeSantos

McMeme: fuck me

Birdboi: you know you want him to

McMeme: Fuck off Pidge!

Flyin'Hawaiian: you walked into that one my dude

Birdboi: maybe he will find your crooked ass nipples cute

McMeme: I THOUGHT WE AGREED NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT

Birdboi: i never agreed to shit

Birdboi: blackmail bitch

McMeme: fight me

Birdboi: i'm on my period you sure that's a good idea?

McMeme: maybe not you right

Birdboi: i'm always right

Birdboi: science bitch

~~~~

KohnnyKash: god i hate being single

McMeme:

****(._.)  
*<) )~  
***/ \  
All the single ladies

****(._.)  
**~( (>  
***/ \  
All the single ladies

****\\(°_°)/  
******) )  
*****/ \  
Now put your hands up

******(._.)  
****~( (>  
*****\/ \  
If ya like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

***(._.)  
*<) )~*  
***/ \  
If ya like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

***(._.)******(._.)******(._.)  
*<) )~***<) )~**<) )~  
***/ \\*******/ \\******/ \  
Oh Oh oH Oh oH Oh oH Oh oH Oh oH Oh oH~

*****(._.)****(._.)*****(._.)  
***~( (>~( (>~( (>  
****/ \\*****/ \\*****/ \  
Oh Oh oH Oh oH Oh oH Oh oH Oh oH Oh oH~

KohnnyKash: hot damn

McMeme: that took me half an hour

KohnnyKash: understandably

KohnnyKash: looks like shit

McMeme: I gave up

KohnnyKash: ah

KohnnyKash: I'm low-key impressed

McMeme: as you should be

KohnnyKash: this is why I don't compliment you

McMeme: thats fair

KohnnyKash: how should I show you admiration?

..................................S...........nu  
McMeme: nd = ln(de ) + ln(------)  
................................................S

KohnnyKash: the fuck?

...................................S...nu  
McMeme: nd = ln(de (-------))  
.........................................S

KohnnyKash: I'm not doing your fucking math homework

......................nd.........s...nu  
McMeme: e = de (------)  
.........................................s

KohnnyKash: I'm so confused

.......................nd........s  
McMeme: Se = de (Nu)

KohnnyKash: ?????

......................nd............s  
McMeme: Se = Nude

KohnnyKash: holy shit

KohnnyKash: oh my god

KohnnyKash: lord save me Jesus

McMeme: you entertained enough yet?

KohnnyKash: im wheezing I can't

McMeme: heavy breathing like that turns me on boy

KohnnyKash: im asthmatic

McMeme: holy shit

McMeme: oh my god

McMeme: are you flirting with me?

KohnnyKash: no

McMeme: damn shame

KohnnyKash: you have the sex appeal of a math book

McMeme: idk man i don't know anyone who opened their math book and hasn't said “fuck me”

KohnnyKash: oh my fucking god

KohnnyKash: I'm fucking crying

McMeme: imma sext you

KohnnyKash: please don't oh my god

McMeme: im laying in bed thinking of you

McMeme: and how you work out

McMeme: thats hot

KohnnyKash: please stop

McMeme: when you touch my body your palms must be sweaty

McMeme: knees weak

McMeme: arms heavy

McMeme: moms spaghetti

KohnnyKash: I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU

McMeme: are you from Seoul?

KohnnyKash: we had this talk. Yes im Half Korean. But i was born and raised in Texas. Eugene Lee Yang through and through.

McMeme: cuz i think your my Seoulmate

KohnnyKash has blocked you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 101 days


	17. StupidBitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro fucks up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot apologize enough for my absence

KohnnyKash: I blocked him again

SpaceAce: Jesus Christ Keith

KohnnyKash: I PANICKED

SpaceAce: what happened?

KohnnyKash: he was flirting with me and i Panicked

SpaceAce: lord give me the strength

KohnnyKash: its not funny shiro

SpaceAce: of course not you dumbass

KohnnyKash: what do i do!?!

SpaceAce: you on yo own

KohnnyKash: Shiro no!

~~~~

“Despierta asshat we gotta get!” Veronica screams as she launches herself onto Lances body. Lance lets out a groan as he is crushed under his sisters weight. “You bitch.” he groaned in pain. “my wedding is in five weeks and i still don't have a dress. Get yo ass up.” She said as she climbed off of him. “So?” He asked with a huff and rolled over to face away from his sister. “You are coming with me to pick it out. Im forceing pidge to come so you are coming too.”

“She's your bridesmaid.”

"Well mom isn't but she is coming to so."

“Mom is coming?”

“Yeah, Rachel is my maid of honor and I want moms opinion. So they are both coming.”

“When did they have time to drive up from Florida?”

She shrugged and threw a shirt at her brother before going out to make some coffee.

~~~~~

Keith sat anxiously in the diner waiting for his pseudo sister.

“Sorry about that. I got caught in traffic.” Axca said as she sat across from him and pulled up her purple hair. “You said you wanted to talk to me. Whats up?” Keith asked nervous. “So I'm getting married right?” Keith groaned. “And I don't have a dress.”

“What does this have to do with me?”

“You are like my only friend now and i want you to help me pick one out.”

Keith didn't really know how to react.

~~~~~

Lance McClain  
@imnotmexican

So my sister wants me to help her pick out her wedding dress but i think imma get a tongue piercing instead. We'll see 👀👀👀

Comments: 10k Retweets: 19k Likes: 27k

 

~~~~

"Mi Niños!" Camilla McClain exclaimed as she walked into the dress shop and saw Veronica and Lance.

They both greeted her with big smiles and open arms. "Mama, Rachel, how are you both?" Veronica asked with a grin. "Bien." Camilla said with a smile. They sat and talked for a bit longer before the dress consultation started. "I can't believe another one of my babies is getting married." Mrs. McClain exclaimed with pure joy as Veronica left to try on dresses. "You are the only one left Lancelot." Rachel teased.

Rachel had married a nice Puerto Rican man about 3 years earlier and was a few months pregnant with their first child. Lance rolled his eyes. "After all my ex's I'm never finding love. I cut myself off." Lance said and slightly curled in on himself. "James, Nyma, Matt, yeah you don't have the best track record." Rachel teased her younger brother. "What about that nice girl in your physiology class?" Camilla asked her son. "You mean the crack addict?"

"Fair point."

~~~~~

KohnnyKash has unblocked McMeme

KohnnyKash: hey…..

McMeme: HOLY SHIT YOU REMEMBERED THAT I EXIST

KohnnyKash: sorry about everything I just have been busy helping my sister with her wedding.

McMeme: lol me 2

McMeme: wait you have a sis?

KohnnyKash: kinda

McMeme: oh. Cool i guess.

McMeme: weird question

KohnnyKash: ?

McMeme: do you think i should get a tongue piercing?

 

~~~~~

KohnnyKash: ASJSHSHDKSKA

SpaceAce: ????

KohnnyKash: AKSJSJAHAHAHA

SpaceAce: Keith????

KohnnyKash: HOLTY SHYT

SpaceAce: I'm confused

KohnnyKash: I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE SEND HELP

SpaceAce: ????!?!?!?!?!!

 

~~~~

 

KohnnyKash: tongue piercings are stupid

KohnnyKash: but like its your body so do whatever the fuck you want ig

 

~~~~~

KohnnyKash: HE WANTS A TONGUE RING THING

KohnnyKash: HOLY SHIT I CANT FUCKING BREATHE

KohnnyKash: oh my god I'm gay for him

KohnnyKash: nO WAIT-

SpaceAce: HOLY SHIT

KohnnyKash: I TAKE IT BACK

SpaceAce: NO THE FUCK YOU DO NOT

KohnnyKash: YES I DO

 

~~~~~

SpaceAce: *screenshot*

Birdboi: ajajshshsjajkhaggagajga

SpaceAce: yep

Birdboi: these dumbasses istg

 

~~~~~

McMeme: I did it

KohnnyKash: good for you I guess

~~~~

KohnnyKash: SHIRO HELP ME OH MY GOD

SpaceAce: Lance troubles?

KohnnyKash: who?

SpaceAce: wrong chat sorry

KohnnyKash: ?

~~~~

SpaceAce: I FUCKED UP

SpaceAce: I FUCKED UP BAD

Birdboi: how?

SpaceAce: *screenshot*

Birdboi: TAKASHI SHIROGANE YOU STUPID BITCH

SpaceAce: I DIDN'T MEAN TO

SpaceAce changed name to StupidBitch

 

~~~~

To "Pidges Hoes"

StupidBitch: so we have a problem

KLANCE: What's with the name change?

StupidBitch: *screenshot*

KLANCE: oh okay

KLANCE: wAIT-

KLANCE: TAKASHI YOU DUMBASS

StupidBitch: I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE

Birdboi: we fucked

~~~~

Lance.

The name sounded familiar but keith couldn't place it to save his life.

Was that who McMeme was?

It had to be.

The more keith thought about it the clearer it all became.

Then it hit him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: 8 days  
> 2: 48 days


	18. Rehearsal Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally everything goes to shit

No way.

No fucking way.

It wasn't possible.

Keith refused to believe that Lance Fucking McClain was the man he was falling for.

He couldn't be.

Lance was obnoxious, egotistical, a total asshat. McMeme was funny, flirty, confident.

No.

Absolutely not.

~~~~

KohnnyKash: shiro…

StupidBitch: yes?

KohnnyKash: is McMeme Lance McClain?

StupidBitch: …

KohnnyKash: how long have you known?

StupidBitch: a while

KohnnyKash: AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!?!!

StupidBitch: he made you happy and I didn't want to ruin that

KohnnyKash: fuck you

KohnnyKash has blocked StupidBitch

~~~~

KohnnyKash has blocked McMeme

~~~~

Keith didn't need this bullshit in his life.

~~~~

To "Pidges Hoes"

StupidBitch: keith is about to spiral

StupidBitch: he blocked me

Birdboi: shit okay. Lets make sure he doesn't lash out on Lance.

~~~~

StupidBitch: hey Lance…

McMeme: Yes Daddy~

StupidBitch: nope

StupidBitch: fuck that

~~~~

To "Pidges Hoes"

StupidBitch: Lance is fine

Birdboi: you sure?

StupidBitch: yep

Birdboi: if you say so…

~~~~

StupidBitch: Axca...

Westly: What the fuck do you want Shirogane?

StupidBitch: its about Keith

Westly: what's wrong with him!?

Westly: What happened!?

StupidBitch: he's about to spiral and he won't listen to me

Westly: why what happened?

StupidBitch: he found out the guy he's been flirting with for months is Lance McClain

Westly: oh…

StupidBitch: he's our brother maybe not biologically but your dad and my mom practically raised him when his life went to hell

StupidBitch: hes our brother

StupidBitch: and we need to be there for him

Westly: you're right

Westly: I will talk to him and see what I can do

StupidBitch: Thank you Axca

Westly: Thank you for always being there for him when i couldn't

Westly: Thank you Takashi

~~~

Westly: Keith don't forget that the rehearsal dinner is tonight

Keith: I'm not going

Westly: the fuck yain't

Keith: now is not a good time for me Axca

Westly: I for one

Westly: don't give a shit

Westly: this is my wedding

Westly: you are my best man

Westly: and you are comeing whether you like it or not

Westly: you are going to sit next to my fiancé's family

Westly: including Lance

Westly: whether you like it or not

Westly: and your little bullshit school boy crush WILL NOT ruin this for me!

Westly: Do you understand?

KohnnyKash: yes ma'am

~~~~

StupidBitch has created group chat "Klance Protection Squad"

StupidBitch has added Birdboi to the chat

StupidBitch has added KLANCE to the chat

StupidBitch has added Westly to the chat

StupidBitch has added Buttercup to the chat

StupidBitch: we need to protect our boys

Buttercup: Axca told me everything how can I help?

KLANCE: maybe make sure he doesn't set off Keith tonight

KLANCE: Personally I don't know Keith very well but Lance is one of my best friends and these two mean a lot to each other even if they don't realise it yet. And I don't want Lance to trigger a fight with Keith that could ruin their relationship.

Buttercup: okay i can start by trying to tweak the seating

Westly: that's a start

Birdboi: and make sure he is sitting maybe between some other family so he feel more respectful

StupidBitch: and try to do the same for Keith. Me, my mom, Krolia, and your dad can sit next to him.

Westly: okay good because we need this to go well. Our wedding is just around the corner. We want things to stay stable until then.

Buttercup: god I hope this works

Birdboi: me to

~~~

To "Mi Familia"

Buttercup has removed McMeme from the chat

Buttercup: Everyone listen up

Buttercup: this is important

Buttercup: it is about Lance

Mama: mija whats wrong with Lance?

Padre: Veronica has something happened to your brother?

Buttercup: not yet but something bad might

TacoTuseday: is this about James again?

Flour: JESUS CHRIST MARCO WHAT THE FUCK!?

Traje de baño: LANGUAGE RACHAEL!!

Buttercup: WILL ALL OF YOU CUT IT OUT!?

Buttercup: no this isn't about james this is about another guy

Padre: see what did I tell you?

Padre: Lance will never be happy with men. It is sinful and La Virgin de Guadalupe is making him pay for it. If he has gotten himself hurt by another man it is Gods will.

Mama: EDUARDO!!!

Padre: Its wrong Camilla and you know it!

Mama: that is my baby you are talking about!

Padre: he is my son too and I only want to protect him

Mama: and you can do that by loving and accepting him! Veronica is a Lesbian Lance is a Bisexual and you love them both they are your children!

Padre: just because I love them doesn't mean I have to agree with their choice of lifestyle

Mama: but you must accept them and love them for who they are!

Buttercup: mama! Papa! Porfavor!

Buttercup: he really likes this boy

Padre: then why do we need to protect him from this boy

Buttercup: its complicated but you have to trust me

Buttercup: james may have ruined Lance but Keith will Obliterate him. Please. Its for his safety and happiness. Please.

~~~~

To "Aliens or something"

Westly has removed KohnnyKash

Westly: Dad, Krolia you have to help me

Marmora: what's wrong sweetheart?

Rancho: is everything okay?

Westly: its about Keith

Marmora: is he okay?

Westly: its bad

Marmora: how bad?

Rancho: Like his my first husband dying while I was deployed and him having to cope with it on his own bad or like James bad?

Westly: Gay denial bad

Marmora: o shit

Rancho: what happened

Westly: he found out the identity of "Leonardo" and is spiraling

Rancho: oh god

Marmora: how do we help?

~~~~

Everyone was tense. No one who knew wanted to eat, drink, dance, talk. Everyone was on edge. 

Lance had no fucking idea.

But keith knew.

And he wanted the world to burn.

He looked at Lance with a new found hatred. Keith was convinced Lance was playing him. There was no other explanation. Shiro knew too.

Keith hated them both.

And shiro probably found out because of his nosey bitch of a girlfriend. Pidge was freaky level genius. Who graduates high school at 16 with an Associates Degree? She must have figured it out and told her idiot blockhead boyfriend and yet neither of them told Keith.

Keith fumed. His mom and step dad seemed to know something was off. Kolivan seemed on edge.

So they knew too.

Lying bastards.

He glanced at the McClains they seemed on edge. Everyone but Lance and his stupid fucking friends where on edge. So everyone but them knew. Everyone but him.

His blood boiled.

"Hey Keith I know we don't normally get along but we are about to become family. What do you say? Frenemies?" Lance stuck out his hand to shake Keith's. He looked unbothered and relaxed.

That is what set keith off.

"No." He said with poisonous intent.

"No?" Lance questioned.

"I don't play nice with catfishers." Everyone at the table froze. "Keith!" Krolia looked to her son with horror. "What?" Lance asked in genuine confusion. "McMeme."

"Thats my username….what about it?"

"You ass hat!"

Kolivan griped his step-sons shoulder. "Keith Kogane that is not the southern hospitality we raised you on! What has gotten into you where are your manners? This is about you sisters wedding."

"Screw her! She knew too! Didn't you!? You bitch!" Keith screamed at the bridal table. "Keith shut the hell up before you make this worse!" Shiro said as he stood from his seat to stop keith from doing the same.

"LANCE HAS BEEN CATFISHING AND LEADING ME ON FOR MONTHS!! AND YOU EXPECT ME TO SIT THERE AND LET OUR SISTERS MARRY EACH OTHER!? NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!"

"Keith how dare you you promised!" Axca said standing from her own seat. "Well your a bitch so I decided i don't care anymore. You can all go to hell.

And with that, He left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: 3 days
> 
> 2: 45 days


	19. The wedding of drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acxa and Veronica get married

To "Lance gets laid"

StupidBitch: who the Fuck is up at 3 am!?

Birdboi: you ya stupid bitch

StupidBitch: are you the one making all that noise!?

Birdboi: its possible

StupidBitch: WHY!?

Birdboi: I was hungry

StupidBitch: you know its unhealthy to eat after 7pm

Birdboi: well lucky for me that time is an illusion

StupidBitch: please just keep it down and come back to bed

KLANCE: Can y'all like????

KLANCE: keep it down?????

KLANCE: me and boo tryna sleep

StupidBitch: i thought you were with Lance

KLANCE: I am

StupidBitch: nvm

StupidBitch: so he is sleeping okay?

KLANCE: for the most part

Birdboi: still shaken up from everything?

KLANCE: we all are

KLANCE changed name to "Softboi"

Softboi: i felt it might be appropriate to change my name given the situation

StupidBitch: probably for the best

Birdboi: we should try and get some sleep for the wedding tomorrow

StupidBitch: says the one who woke us up in the first place

Birdboi: I will cut you

StupidBitch: I'll shut up

~~~~~

Hunk was the first up that morning. The stress of the last few days had gotten to him and he was stress cooking. This worked out in favor for the others providing them with good food but no one could really enjoy themselves or the food. No one wanted to talk about the elephant In the room but it loomed over them ever present and foreboding.

After the incident the situation was explained to everyone. No one chose to acknowledge it since. But it filled the air. They all gathered in hunks hotel room to eat breakfast but they felt sick to their stomachs.

The guest list hung over their heads like a guillotine. Acxa had invited Lotor, Zethrid, Ezor, and of course, Keith. They knew Keith was her step brother but some days they wished he wasn't. Today was one of those days.

The brides decided on an early afternoon wedding which only spelled out disaster for everyone else. Because that meant more time until the party ended. Which meant more time keeping an eye on Lance.

After breakfast everyone split up to go do their part in helping out.

~~~~

Keith knocked on the hotel room door that Acxa was staying in. She opened it was who it was and attempted to slam the door in his face before Keith stopped her. "Acxa come on!" He yelled. "Go to hell!" She called back. "This isn't a big deal!" Keith yelled. Acxa ripped open the door.

"NOT A BIG DEAL!?!" Her nostrils flared with furry. "You ruined my last weekend after you promised not to! You couldn't even wait till you where in the fucking parking lot!"

"Acxa please."

"Not only did you insult Lance, you insulted all of the McClains, which includes the love of my life. If you gave two shits about me and my happiness you wouldn't have done that."

"Its not like that!"

"Its exactly like that! All you care about is yourself and your petty feelings! Well guess what hotshot reality check! The world doesn't give a fuck about your feelings! I learned that a long time ago because im a fucking adult. Just because you can drink doesn't make you an adult. Not if you act like a child."

"You're acting like a child now!"

"Why!? Because I'm calling you out on your bullshit and you don't like it!? Or because im not making excuses for you? We grew up together i've been through this enough. I'm done covering for you. You are on your own."

And with that, she slammed the door closed.

 

~~~

 

"Oh Veronica mija you look beautiful." Camilla said as she teared up looked at her daughter.

Veronica adorned a white bell dress with a sweetheart cut and lace that went from her collar to the floor and surrounded the dress. Her sleeves where cuffed and she had a peter pan collar. She looked modest and sexy at the same time. All things her sister could not stop talking about.

With her hair curled, makeup done, Vail on. She looked a vision. "Mama please don't cry." Rachel said teary eyed. The bridesmaids, Pidge, Allura, and Rachel, dressed in purple wrap dresses.

"Nonsense Mija. How could I not? Look at you." She said and gave her daughter a twirl. She smiled and giggled but her face suddenly dropped. "Im worried about Lance." She said and looked over at her mother through the mirror. "Lance will be fine. He is strong. He has fought through much worse." Camillia said. She as well sounded concerned but she tried to focus on the good. She was optimistic like that. Everyone begrudgingly agreed and tried to focus on the matrimony.

~~~~

Keith looked at himself in the mirror. He hated the stupid suit. Blue was not his color. But that is what his sister demanded. And this was about her. He needed to be there for her and focus only on her. This meant everything to her. He was going. Even if she killed him after. He needed to be there.

And so he went.

~~~~

Rachel felt someone grab at her arm before she saw them. But when she looked over she almost lost her damn mind. "¡Puta!" She snarled at Keith. "¡Espero que mueras!" She ripped her arm from his hold. "¡Lastimaste a mi hermano!" Keith didn't speak spaniah but he spoke pissed off. And she was about to pop a cap in his ass. "Look i get you hate me but this isn't about you. This is about our sisters." He said with crossed arms. "You shouldn't be here after what you did!" She snapped. "Well thats not really up to you is it?"

She went to yell again but he cut her off. "Look this is starting soon you can get pissy with me after okay. I already fucked up the dinner lets not fuck up the actual wedding okay?" She said nothing but looked livid as she took his arm again.

Then the music started.

~~~~

To say people were surprised to see Keith would be an understatement. But they didn't pay attention to him for long. Because soon after Axca descended down the isle. She had on a sweetheart cut white mermaid dress. Much simpler then her counterparts but she look equally as stunning. She hard her hair up in a bun and a vail almost as long as her dress. She saw keith and stopped. But only for a split second. She looked calm. But Keith could tell she was furious. She made her way up to the front and finally broke away from Kolivan. And as she turned to look down the isle, Veronica started to walk down. All the previous anger in Acxa melted away as she looked at her bride. All that filled her now was pure unconditional love.

Veronica returned the look and the love with full force. They loved each other. And they always would.

Veronica made it to the end of the isle and broke away from her father before taking Acxas hands. The moment the vows started everyone started crying. There was not a dry eye in sight. Everyone felt their love.

"Veronica McClain, do you take This woman Acxa Marmora to be your lawfully wedded wife until death do you part?"

"I do."

"Acxa Marmora do you take this woman, Veronica McClain to be your lawfully wedded wife until death do you part?"

"I do."

"Then by the power vested in me by so you want to be ordained .com, i now pronounce you married. You may kiss your brides."

And they did they kissed like they had never kissed before and the crowed cheered and all seemed right in the world once again.

Until it wasn't.

~~~~

"So your KohnnyKash?" A voice said from behind Keith as he looked out over the balcony. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Lance, drink in hand. "What the fuck do you want?" Keith spit.

Lance shrugged. "Just to understand the situation I guess." He walked up next to keith and rested his forearms against the arm rail. "And why you think I catfished you."

"Because that is exactly what you did! You texted me pretending to be someone else."

"You texted me first. And like you never told me who you where I never told you who I was. But if i had known it was you, i would have blocked you ass months ago."

"Why?" Keith fumed. "Because you are an asshole. You know I thought I could try being friends with you because you are important to shiro. And he is important to me. He dated three of my friends for crying out loud, I trust his judgment. But you get upset over what? I did nothing wrong to you. Yet you go around accusing me of Catfishing. You have listened to nothing anyone has told you about me if you really think I'm capable of that shit." Lance said as he glared at Keith.

"You lied and led me on."

"You are just as guilty of that as I am!" Lance said, now finally raising his voice. "You are a selfish little punk if you honestly are that self centered you have no idea how much you fucked up, you deserve all the wrath coming to you."

"You hurt me Keith, had i known, I would have tried harder to be friend with you. You find out and the first thing you do is tear my confidence to pieces and accuse me of doing something I'm a victim of. And insult my family. I thought we were friends, hell i thought we could be more. But now i see you ass the monster you truly are."

"You have no idea who I really am!" Keith so it.

"Oh and you know who I am? Really? Go fuck yourself." With that he turned and stormed off. He searched his pockets for his car keys. "You leaving already?" Veronica slurred. But then she saw who he was walking away from and started to curl in on herself. With a huff Lance grabbed his car keys and left.

As he drove back he thought about a lot. About thw wedding, about Keith, about life in general. He felt he could do just about anything now with all this rage.

All that rage soon turned to fear when he finally got back to the hotel and made eye contact with James Griffin across the lobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been leading up to what is about to come since the beginning. And this is where it starts.


End file.
